This is a special series in support of the global #RingTheBell campaign to end violence against women. This guest post is written by Aviva Bidapa - An actress and a model. She currently works at Prasad Bidapa Associates and enjoys horse-riding.
The Indian mindset is to treat Indian women like inanimate sexual objects or as the personal property of a man.
Growing up in a changing India forces me to live within a system that clearly does not work. I would not like to raise my children in a country where violence against women is as common as spitting paan.
Can the parents of a rapist be blamed for their son’s actions? Where do these parents or elders start to form a sensitive balance in their child’s development and interaction with society? How do they ensure that? Without the right influences and teaching, these misfits can tear apart the very fabric of society.
Being part of India’s young generation, I haven’t a clue about what the quality of my life will be like in 10 years time. When the time comes for me to start a family of my own, will I even want to live in the country I call home? The place I know best and love the most is letting me down on a public and international platform, and it’s not ok with me.
Having said that I would like to return to the attitude of Indian men toward women. Where is the root of this problem located? Why does every morning paper carry news of violent rapes and attacks on women? Is it because these men have no fear of the police or the law? Women don’t have anyone to turn to because police sensitisation is not taken seriously in our country. The onus is on the woman to prove rape, not for the perpetrator to be punished. The oath to protect is treated like a joke. The police humiliate victims of rape, in effect raping them mentally and adding to their trauma.
It is time for this country to see change in the way women are perceived and treated, and this is the only option. I’m growing into the women my parents have moulded me to be, well spoken, well informed and fearless. I cannot accept a man’s disrespect or tolerate any form of abuse but this has its setbacks in today’s world; for an empowered woman is the subject of more unwanted attention from the lumpen elements who walk the streets of our city, secure in the knowledge that their roving eyes and hands and lewd comments will be ignored by the majority of the bystanders who will simply not come to your help.
Pranab Mukherjee’s son Abhijit recently landed in a controversy over his description of women protesters in Delhi against the gang-rape incident as ‘highly dented and painted’. I protested, and if dented and painted is what a loser like him percieved me as, so be it. This from the President of India’s son, a man we have trusted our Nation with, defender of our faith and our safety.
When one uses the term ‘masculinity’ - strength, aggression and achievement are the qualities we think of but what happened to compassion? Sensitivity? Love? Is it because women are supposed to be the sensitive ones that men feel no need to be compassionate? Why should men bother?
They say God made us equal which is arguable. I think women are superior. Only women have the ability to create a human being. So are we not the more evolved sex? Are we not just as able as men? Let a man try carrying a child for nine months and see how the word masculinity redefines itself. My brother looks up to my mother as a Goddess, who has brought him into this world and can take him out of it just as quick. He has a healthy respect for her and still dreads her criticism.
What has the mother of a rapist done wrong? Is it learnt from a father who has overpowered his mother from the very beginning with verbal & physical abuse? Has he learnt from his father that women are worthless and disposable?
Young minds are the future of our country. Young women do not need to live in fear but the situation has worsened since the Delhi rape case.
Which is why it is up to us as a Nation to protect our women, to spread the word that no transgression will be tolerated. The need for a positive influence among our youth is more in demand than food in our starving country. I would think 100 times before allowing a man to work for me now than a woman because the word ‘man’ scares me. Should that be my fate? My lot in life?
Men on the road would not stop to help a woman being harassed, and I speak from experience. On several different occasions I have found myself being tested and people pretending it’s normal for a woman to be harassed, so get used to it. Why should I? I get stared at and ogled at and all leaders are saying is its because I’m ‘painted’.
Seems to me that education is a myth among these Neanderthals. Even a good education cannot erase this mindset.
This is a free country and I chose to reflect my individuality in a nation of a billion by the way I present myself. I don’t wear shorts and walk on the road, but it occurs even when I’m shrouded in a salwar kameez. The fact I chose to maybe wear lipstick or mascara does not mean that I’m available! Get a life guys.
Lastly I would like to talk about movies and the mass media. Directors need to take a creative call on whether the item numbers selling sex are really worth the repercussions it unleashes on women? Bollywood ignites its own hypocrisy when it is directly responsible for societies perception of women. Honey Singh’s lyrics and Sunny Leone’s gyrations fuel the fire that sets women ablaze with the hatred they spawn.
Politicians disregarding mass media is chauvinism at it’s best. Simple flirtation in movies has turned into downright harassment. In most cases the hero is stalking the heroine. It sends the wrong message, stalking doesn’t become ok in the name of cinematic love. So why is the film industry so irresponsible, hiding behind the mask of titillation as entertainment and pretending that their art is imitating life. Is that ok?
Women are clearly valued less than men and this inequality will create a world and an atmosphere impossible to live in. The educated and enlightened will one day lose interest in trying to fight a battle they cannot win due to a corrupt system. And where will that leave women?
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If you would like to contribute a guest post as part of the #RingTheBell campaign, please email us at hello@wooplr.com.
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